Throwback Thursday Thoughts 01/08/2024

August 1, 2024

The early morning sun of these dog days of summer beam through small slots of the unfurled persiana protecting my studio from the full on blast that occurs every morning for a few hours through large windows. In winter, the warmth is gratefully accepted, but with temps at close to forty degrees celsius, the studio would become an oven baking me and everything else within it if they were not in place. The sunbeams catch upon parts of pieces of sculptures laid out on a table. Like the tasks within my day, they wait to be selected, arranged, incorporated into something larger, greater, more fully realized, to enter the flow. A flowing part of this waking experience. The experience of a day in a month in a year in a life.

August 1, 2023

Today, I had major oral surgery for a dental implant. They drilled a hole into my upper jawbone, packed it with synthetic bone. If it fully integrates, a hole will be drilled, a metal screw screwed into it, then the implant abutment and crown. This is the second attempt. The first one failed due to the syntheric bone failing to integrate properly. We are trying the entire process again hoping that it will this time around. They gave me a local anaesthetic, which I know will wear off before I arrive back home in an hour long commute. I should have insisted that he drive me there and back instead of taking the metro and suffering, again. I should call but I am in a post-operative daze. I'm a bit traumatized. So much suffering. So much pain. But, I will be glad to have finally corrected the result of that accident that happened in fourth grade when a girl grabbed my leg atop an icy mound, and somehow managed to fall on top of my head pushing me face first into the ice causing a front tooth to snap in half at the root. She has no idea how much I have suffered mentally and physically all these years from her bad decision. I just hope this surgery works this time. I don't want to go through this a third time.

August 4, 2022

I met some of his family members for the very first time during their vacation in Salou on the east coast of Spain. His elder sister who is about my age, her husband and their four beautiful children. It was so wonderful to meet them in person, but absolutely one of the most challenging moments of the year. I saw what my life could have been like if I had decided not to get that abortion when I was seventeen, choosing college and career over a teenage pregnancy. I would have the children I can't conceive now, but it would have been with my highschool sweetheart who broke my heart and betrayed my trust so many times. I do not regret my decision, but it still hurts that he and I can't have one now. When will I fully recover from the loss, fully let go, have more than just begrudging acceptance of circumstances. If it were not for the limitations of this physical form... an irreversible change, like one experiences with puberty. The body transforms so completely as to be unrecongnizable, alien, and one must learn how to live with these changes after comprehending this new version of self and being pushed into this new dimension of existence. Not as less. Not as more. As someone and something altogether changed and different.

August 1, 2021

Yesterday, we had an exhibition of all the artworks that were created during this five day course in the the nave of this church in Guadalupe. These stoneware lanterns inspired by a tower in an abandoned village that I walked seventeen kilometers to mark my first big step away from purely functional vessel-making and towards sculpture. I have clung to functional vessel-making for years, which is ironic considering that I have always known and said that I would never be a production pottery maker. I greatly desire for art to be accessible, functional, held in high esteem like they are in Asia. It is not in me to repitiously make the same form over and over beyond practicing to gain a new skill. I can't bring myself to make a mold and create replicas, either. I know I would not be happy to only make plates, bowls, coffee mugs, and other diningware, and sell them at a craft show, fair or market. I need to discuss ideas, concepts, feelings. The limitations of those clay forms for me to express myself is that they become only surfaces upon which to display images and textures, A painter's canvas. And while there is variety and scope within that medium, I feel a deep need to press, carve out, break through, disturb the structural walls of a three-dimensional object to access other dimensions, not just scratch and brush at surfaces in 2D.

Open Studio

Autumnal Equinox

21 & 22 September 2024

11:00 - 15:00

The address of this private location in Madrid Spain and will be delivered to you by email. Of course, you will need a reservation to come visit me.

For two days in 2024, I will open my studio to share a new body of work on the weekend of the Autumnal Equinox. I'll be showing a series of sculptures, static and kinetic.

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A friend has been telling me for ages to write a book, a memoir, of all my wild past-life experiences. Maybe I'll write a book about my life when I'm older, maybe around 80 (if I am blessed to live that long). I've decided to keep this diary instead.

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